Here is an article by our Gold Business Member, Conscious Family Law and Mediation. Peter Fabish and John Hoelle also are co-authors of the best selling book The Collaborative Divorce Advantage
Most people approach divorce with the sense that it is something dreadful that one simply has to get through. Few have seen it as an opportunity to get a second chance to set themselves and their children up for a better future. While this is understandable given how divorce has traditionally been viewed and practiced, new paradigms are becoming available in which families not only survive divorce, but thrive after their divorce.
At Conscious Family Law & Mediation, we are part of a movement that is seeking to eliminate all unnecessary, added hatefulness and blame from the process of divorce. Yes, there can be and often are hurt feelings. Yes, spouses can feel a strong sense of betrayal. To consciously divorce, one need not give up any story of hurt or betrayal. However, those feelings and stories need not drive the process into something destructive and harmful to the entire family.
When acting as neutral divorce mediators, our attorney-mediators provide the professional knowledge, experience and guidance couples need to complete their divorce while avoiding the expense and added conflict of hiring separate lawyer-advocates. This allows couples to reach agreements that will hold up over time and set the family up for success post-decree. We also provide guidance on how to thrive post-divorce to those who are seeking transformation.
When functioning as Conscious Family Lawyers, we differ from conventional lawyers in that we operate from a different set of values and priorities. We do not shy from conflict and strong advocacy of our clients’ position. At the same time, we will never generate conflict that is unnecessary to advance our clients’ real interests. We see such behavior as benefiting only the lawyers, while being extremely harmful to the families whose futures are being determined.
Further, no matter which role we are in, we help our clients get in touch with the deeper interests and values underlying their positions, and to operate from that space. In our experience, this results in a far stronger position than one coming from fear, pain, confusion and anger. We hold space for people to open their hearts, and keep them open, in midst of a hurricane. And, in the same way that we ask divorcing spouses to avoid a battleground mentality, we seek to apply the same maturity when we deal with aggressive, opposing lawyers. Often, we are able to turn the opposing lawyers’ aggressiveness against the polarized position they are seeking to advocate.
Ultimately, many of our clients discover that despite the pain and hurt of divorce, it is a rare opportunity to set oneself up for a successful future. For parents, the ones who are supported to to stand tall in the storm, and do what is best for the long term health of themselves and their children, are the ones who thrive post-divorce. We are proud to support individuals and parents who want what is best for themselves and their children to achieve their hopes and aspirations.
Here at Conscious Family, we are honored to support the work of Realities for Children, and are inspired by the impact they make on our community and at-risk youth. As family attorneys, we know first hand the importance of familial stability in any child’s life. We also know that safety and stability are not always possible, and so it is that it takes a village to raise our community’s children.